One Wheel too many...

This blog post comes to you immediately after finishing an entire wheel of BRIE. What's wrong with me? Well, nothing's wrong with me, I just really like brie. Obviously. But, no matter how much I like (love) it, I shouldn't be eating an entire wheel for dinner. Not necessarily considered a balanced nutritional plan. What's even better is that I started this blog post yesterday (right after the last and final brie "incident") and am just getting back to it because my husband came home from work and I shamefully hid the empty brie plate and shut the computer in fear he would read about my cheese indescretion. So stupid, really.

So, this is for everyone who has ever loved something so much (food-wise) that you eat more than you know you should. And for everyone who continues to practice self-sabotage (food-wise) when you finally see some significant results with your workout/weightloss/gethealthy plan. Take a moment and think about this. I'll tell you how I self-sabotage (obviously, still today) and have for years, hence a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. It must end.

This is me:
I work really hard on eating right, cutting out sugar, or fat, or diary, or meat or whatever the fad of the season happens to be, I do it. I see results. My pants are a little looser (or they actually fit), and I have noticable results. Yeah! Well, then comes the sabotage. I feel so great that I've done it, so great that I stuck to something and I'm feeling all good and successful, so now I can order fries with my turkey sandwich, right? Super wrong. You have to keep doing what you did, to stay where you are! Duh. It has taken me a long, long, long time to do what I have always known is right. We all know WHAT to do. It's just actually doing it that makes change happen.

So, knowing this is my problem and has been for 20 years (well almost, 20 sounds more dramatic than 17), I feel like now is the time that I just squash it. Last night I relapsed with the cheese, and I'm sure I will again, but the great thing is that I realize it today and make today better because of it. I'm on a mission. This mission will end when I can look at brie and say "I worked my a** off today in class and you aren't worth it". Besides have you ever melted brie on a bagette? It looks like butter - basically I ate a wheel of butter. But it's okay. I know what to do. Messing up is normal - it's how quickly you correct that matters.

My challenge to you is this: Think about how and when you self sabotage. What is your thing? Write it down - refer to it - don't forget it, and eventually you won't do it (as much). Whatever your goal may be, you can't lose site of it - ever.

My goal is to get strong. This means so many different things to me. But today it means; strong enough to not sabotage my own success. Celebrate it. And do it today, don't wait till you've had one wheel too many...

Ten and a half months...

Ten and a half months. This is the age where babies become more than babies. Believe me, I'm no expert. As a matter of fact I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I do like to speculate. I just returned from a trip to visit my family and show off my perfect baby girl. Perfect in the way that she is always happy, never cries, loves to laugh and eat all her peas, falls asleep and stays asleep all night. This is the baby I have known and loved so dearly for ten and a half months. This is not, however, the baby that traveled with me to see her loving grandparents, great grandmas, and aunt and uncle.

The baby who traveled with me did the following; cry, cry louder, cry a little bit more, now scream until mommy holds you again. Separation anxiety would be an understatement.

This behavior by my sweet baby girl was both flattering and annoying. Equally. How wonderful that she loves me so much that she can't let go of me for even one second so I can eat, shower, etc. How simply amazing that she doesn't want ANY body else to hold her or feed her or look at her, but me. So much for getting the break I expected. So much for sleeping in while my mom watched the baby. So much for that. I sound sarcastic (because I am) but really, I do love how much she (my sweet baby girl Clover) loves me.

I love how much she trusts me and believes in me. She wanted me, she chose me, over any and everybody else available. Feels good.

There is no room for frustration. When I found myself getting frustrated, I stopped and tried to get in the moment. How blessed am I to have a happy, healthy, active baby girl? I have my own health and motivation, and friends and family who love me and want to visit with me. No room for frustration. I waited this long to finally have this amazing baby looking at me with big gorgeous blue eyes. She is why I always find my smile in any situation. She is why I will strive to be a better person. She is making me better one little tantrum at a time. And she is only ten and a half months...

Two Words

At any given point in the day, I try to describe myself with two words. I decided to do this when I realized last week that on more than one occasion you could have used the words irritable and snappy to describe me. This is not good. Especially since I don't like to be around unhappy, cranky people. Well, since I have to be around me, I needed to work on this.

It wasn't but a few hours later that I could cross out irritable and snappy and replace with two much more beautiful descriptors; happy and hopeful.

Happy that I can take a moment and realize my behavior, ideally before it affects anyone else. And, Hopeful that I can prevent such unattractive-ness in the future. We all have our moments, or days, or weeks, but at some point your behavior becomes your character and I have always wanted my character to be painted with a smile, and sounded out with laughter. So, I needed to get it together and become aware.

It's kind of like putting yourself in check. Taking time to view yourself and your behaviors. This type of awareness is powerful. Once you become aware of yourself, you can become a better you. Which is exactly the point. Haven't you ever been around someone (grocery store, mall, restaurant) who has absolutely zero self awareness. It's like it's their world and you're lucky to share it with them. You know, the people who stand in the way and don't move, walk through the door that was opened for you, not them (because you're holding a baby) without even realizing, or pull right out in front of you into your lane without even looking. It's like they are totally unaware.

Being a strong women, mom, friend, wife, sister, daughter, etc. means always working on getting out the kinks and becoming better. For me, this means being more aware of myself. Once I truly see me, I can make me better.

Right now my two words are: Tired and Motivated. Interesting combo, I know. It's hard to control being tired at this stage, but hey, at least I'm motivated!

What are your two words? Ask yourself often...